


The portal

by Susquip



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Lots of different ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, anyway, i cried, it's complicated - Freeform, it's really sad man, just like me, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:55:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Susquip/pseuds/Susquip
Summary: He's spent so many nights here, just looking, he could only look after all. He'd stare at the portal for hours, just wishing.
Relationships: None
Comments: 17
Kudos: 276





	1. Chapter 1

He's spent so many nights here, just looking, he could only look after all. He'd stare at the portal for hours, just wishing.

He wonders if there was a way to make it all okay, how many shooting stars, wishing wells, eyelashes, it would take to let him cross that portal.

He really did all he could think of, he even tried praying.

He thinks of all the ways he could get back, he could use a boat, or go through the portal, or fuck he would even run home.

None of them work out, Dream would just kill him.

He stares at the polaroid. Lmanberg's changing without him, his friends are moving on, he wonders how long it would take them to notice if he-

Stares at the portal, maybe it would be worth it. Maybe if he could just see it one last time, maybe if he could just see them, maybe he wouldn't care.

Maybe it's worth it to die in his home, with the people he loves instead of alone and cold. He wants to see them, to hear them, to talk to them.

He waits outside the portal, just hoping that someone will come through. Say they missed him as much as he missed them, say that they love him and they'll always be friends, and then he can finally let them know how much he loves them.

He waits...

But he can’t wait until Christmas.

He tried, he really did, but he can't be alone that long.

Ghostbur doesn't help, he only reminds him of how much he misses Wilbur, his brother.

He can't do this anymore, he can't be alone, he needs to go home.

He put his stuff in a chest, leaving another, albeit sadder, note for Ghostbur to add to his collection. 

He makes his all too familiar tread back to the portal.

He hears a grunt, he tries to run, get through the portal in time. He runs as fast as his sleep deprived body will let him.

He was able to hit the piglin off the bridge but took quite a few hits in the process.

He crawls. Feeling the most will to live he's felt in weeks.

He wants to see it, the Christmas tree. He wants to see Lmanberg. He wants to see his home. He just wants to see his friends one last time.

He crawls, rapidly bleeding out, barely conscious. And he reaches towards something he can never have, just like all of those nights he spent here, frantically wishing and praying and begging to just live a little longer.

He just wants to die in the arms of someone he loves, they don't have to love him just please-

\-------

Everyone waited under the tree, hoping they'd show up. Dream had eventually agreed to let Tommy come home for Christmas. They'd called so many times, but Tommy and Ghostbur had never answered. 

They finally decided enough was enough, they were gonna go get them.

They wish they hadn't.

He was just sitting there, he looked so small.

He was the coldest thing in the nether, he'd been there for days, maybe even weeks.

He was so close, he could have made it.

\-----

Ghostinnit doesn't remember. He's fortunate enough to have forgotten the most miserable weeks of his life.

But sometimes when he's about to go through a portal, he stops, overcome with the feeling that he can't go through, but also the feeling of wanting more than anything to make it through the portal.

And he stares at the portal for hours, unable to move on.


	2. Alt ending 1 (Christmas day)

He waits, staring longingly at the portal.

He arrives at the portal the morning of the 24.

He plans to walk through the portal at 12am exactly. This way he can get as much time at Lmanberg as possible, he could stay up all night if it meant that he would get more time with his friends.

He's so excited.

He's standing by the portal 20 minutes before he could actually go through.

And that 20 minutes passed.

And then 40 minutes, then an hour, then 8 hours

He stands, hovering over the portal, unable to bring himself to go through

He just can't, they don't want him there anyway.

And then Christmas was over, and he missed his chance.

And as he walks away from the portal, he wonders if it was ever really an option.


	3. Alt ending 2 (Dream)

He misses them so much. He misses Tubbo and Niki and Quackity and even Fundy. He misses everyone, even the dream team. He just wants to see them again,

but he can't.

He can't keep his throat from tightening, his eyes burn as warm tears flow down his face.

He just wants to see his friends.

How could they be so mean? He was sixteen and he just wanted his friends, he'd do anything to go back

There's a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey Tommy I'm gonna need you to try to match my breathing"

What?

Who's there?

"Come on Tommy please? I know it's hard but you can do it!"

He can't, he can't do anything right, that's why he couldn't see his friends anymore. He ruins everything he touches, he's a liability.

"Hey Tommy it's okay, it's all gonna be alright, i just need you to calm down a little bit okay?"

It's not gonna be alright, everyone hates him, he doesn't think he could go through the portal on Christmas.

Dream hugs him.

"Please Tommy?"

He can't. He can't go home. He can't see his friends ever again and it's all his fault, he should just die already, save them the trouble of ever seeing him again.

"Tommy... You just want to see it right?"

He doesn't deserve to see it, that's why he's banished, because he's an annoying, mean, liability that doesn't deserve his home, he doesn't deserve his friends.

Dream picked him up.

Please, he knows he doesn't deserve it but please. Just one more time, that's all he needs, and then they can kill him, he doesn't care. No one cares.

He feels a rush of cool air

And he sees the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his entire life.

The Christmas tree.

"Tommy can you hear me?"

He nods the best he can.

"Okay kid, I need you to breathe with me"

He can do that, breathing is easy, he's done it so many times.

"There you go, are you okay?"

He nods hesitantly.

Dream sits them down.

"It's beautiful isn't it tommy? The Christmas tree"

"..yeah"

His voice cracks but Dream’s glad he's talking.

A moment of silence as they take it all in.

"Yknow maybe you can visit every once in a while, under my supervision of course"

"Really?"

He sounded so excited.

Fuck, he really banned a kid from seeing his friends.

"Yeah, as long as there's no funny business"

He gets a very sudden hug.

"Thank you Dream"

He could feel Tommy's tears through his hoodie.

"I'm sorry kid, I didn't think it through, I wasn't thinking clearly, I didn't know it would make you cry. I shouldn't have put you through this. I'm sorry."

Tommy just hugs him tighter.

And Dream hugs back.


	4. Alt ending 3 (Tubbo)

He knows exactly what he's doing. He knows what will happen to him, but he also knows Tubbo’s working on the Christmas tree right now.

So he walks through.

It’s so beautiful. Tubbo’s sitting under the Christmas tree. He wants to sit next to him.

He takes a picture.

"Tommy? What are you doing here, you're exiled!"

He sounded mad, does he really hate him that much?

".. I-I'm sorry, you're right, I-I-I'll just leave, I'm s-sorry"

He walks back to the portal

"I love you Tubbo, you're my best friend and, and even if you hate me, you mean the world to me and I'll miss you so much”

And once again he’s standing in the nether hub, waiting.

He stares down at the picture, waiting for Dream to come kill him.

It was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like i just punched myself in the face... anyway tell me what you thought.


End file.
